Ooooooklahoma

Tone', the boys and I took a trip over Labor Day weekend to attend my family reunion in Oklahoma. It was a trip of a lot of firsts. The obvious one being that it was Nikolas and Lukas' FIRST plane trip and boy was mama nervous about that one. Not that i was afraid that we would crash and die, (though that was in the back of my head), but I just didn't want to deal with the dirty looks if one or both of them started screaming on the plane or something. Thankfully, they were both PERFECT. Yep, shocked me too. I found some of those sticky gel letters at Target for $1! and gave them to Nik about a half hour into the plane trip and they kept him busy all the way there!!! Best dollar I have ever spent. I need to go stock up on more. Baby Luke was happy sucking on his binky and bouncing in Mama's arms. My arms were about to fall off after 4 hours of bouncing, but I had a happy baby and hey, it's good for rebuilding my weak biceps so I can one day climb again.
The reunion was at my moms' cousin Mickey's house near Buffalo on 168 or so acres with a river running through it. After driving down less and less traveled roads and then turning onto dirt roads we finally came to this dirt lane with the "no hunting, no trespassing" sign. We both couldn't help laughing about how stereotypical midwest it seemed. We did find our way to their house without getting shot and proceeded to meet a hundred of my relatives who I hadn't seen in 23 years. Most of them are cousins in varying forms: first cousins once removed, second cousins, second cousins once removed. Eventually we all stopped trying to figure it out and just started calling each other "cousins".
The family consisted of all the descendants of my Great Grandfather and Grandmother Floyd and Dora Bentley and also one of my Great Grandfathers brothers family. There were a lot of people there, but I can't even imagine how many could have been there if everyone had come. My GG Grandmother had 7 children and my G Grandmother had 7 children as well, my own Grandmother being the eldest. She is the one holding Lukas and to the right of me is my Great Aunt Fae who was the sixth of seven. These two ladies are amazing to me. They are both always going and working at something and never let there age get in the way of life. My Grandmother is always cooking for everyone else and taking care of great grandkids and scurrying about doing this and that. My Aunt Fae does upholstery and is always in demand for her skills, I was lucky enough to take home one of her pillows.
And here is another stereotypical midwestern scene. Tone' saw the men practicing roping and thought about going over and trying it out, until he saw this little girl roping nearly as well as the menfolk. That stopped Tone' in his city slicker tracks.
Oh, and, these are all my cousins in one form or another.

Nik wore his red cowboy boots so at least one of us wouldn't look so foreign. The gig was up, though, when his 3rd cousin, who is also two, (and a girl) picked up a large locust and stuck it to Nik's shoulder causing him to freeze and carefully call out, "DADDY, DADDDDYYYY!". She also chased him around with a giant feather which sent him screaming in terror to find mommy. Oh Nik, we need to move to a farm to toughen you up, boy.

Our time with family was up too soon, but I am so thankful to have been able to go. Many of them grew up with my mom or watched her grow up so I especially wanted to reconnect with them. I miss my mom so much and in so many ways that making the trip to Oklahoma and getting to know the people she knew and loved has become very important to me. I guess I am grasping for ways to keep my mom alive. It sometimes still doesn't seem real that she is gone, like, I often think, "did it really happen to me, and to my family?". Will she really not be here to see my children. Never?! Will I never be able to drop by her house unexpectedly to say "hi" and "oh, you're having dinner? How coincidental!"

I am finding that time does help a broken heart, but I am also finding that time doesn't ever heal it.